


As the World Caves In

by orphan_account



Series: Sweet Heart Sweet Light [6]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Anal Sex, Angry Kissing, Angst and Tragedy, Future Character Death, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Prostitution, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Prophet Alex, Rough Sex, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-09-30 22:43:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20454761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Earth was running to the ground.As one of the few prophets left in the shattering world, the only future Alex could ever foresee was death. Forced to witness the end of lives everyday, Alex had long forgotten the taste of living. It was all until Miles Kane casually came into his life. Falling for someone he barely knew, for the first time, Alex began to see lights at the end of the tunnel.Hold onto your beloved ones. It’s only the end of the world.





	1. Chapter 1

As the World Caves In

Hold onto your beloved ones. It’s only the end of the world.

1.

The first ever conversation they had made Alex laugh. Before then, he hadn’t been able to pull that expression off properly for a good while. On that day, Alex left The Cornerstone late. All the lights leading to his apartment had gone out already, due to the third electricity shortage since April. It was raining heavily, but the air was still with no disturbance of winds from anywhere. Alex listened to the sound of rains as he walked.

Getting close to the river, the first thing he noticed was that Miles wasn’t at his usual spot. The water level of the river had gone up. His boots stepped into a good inch of sour sewage as Alex slowly passed under the arch of the bridge, fumbling in the heart of darkness.

“Ah, the sacrificial puppet again.” A pitched, unfriendly voice startled him as Alex approached the end of the tunnel. Comparing to the rest of the gang, Miles was the one you’d pray to meet at night instead. At least, that’s what Alex had heard of. 

Miles was standing on the edge of the brick vault, half of his body out in the pouring rain. A vague smirk rose to the corner of his lips when Alex walked up to him. Miles tucked his chin in and asked, “So, who’s gonna die tonight?” 

Alex laughed so hard that the other man dropped his cynical smile and frowned. “Man, are you okay?” His voice dipped down, turning a bit raspy. Secretly, Alex liked it that way.

“It’s just…ha, I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”

“Isn’t it the big question you get to be asked all the time?” 

“Yeah, it surely is.” Alex chuckled, then unfolded his umbrella so that Miles’ shoulder was no longer in the rain. “That’s why I didn’t see it coming out of your mouth.”

Miles blinked a few times, glancing at him up and down. The smile slipped back on his face, and the taller man snorted almost fondly. “Did you just call me boring?”

Alex eyed him also. Miles was wearing an extravagant black silk shirt with white feathers scattering on the fabric, over a pair of tight black jeans covered in mud. Alex was distracted slightly by the sight. When he began to search for a smart reply in his brain, Miles was already talking again. “Maybe you’re right. All me mates were out of town. I’m bored. Probably lost me funny side.”

“Your mates.” Alex repeated, in a harsher tone of disbelief than he intended to use.

Miles rolled his eyes, being more amused than offended by Alex’s reaction. “Tell me, do all your fellas speak highly of you when you’re not around?”

As Miles challenged him, he stepped up also, invading Alex’s personal space. They exchanged a look. By the end of it both were laughing breathlessly. Alex felt Miles’ breath on his own lips just before the young man retreated back into the moist, rheumy night. “It’s nice talking to you.” Miles shook his head silently when he noticed that Alex wanted to put the umbrella handle into his hand. He smiled again. 

“Have a good night, Alex.”

2.

Everyone on the streets asked Alex about their future: They all knew what he’s good for. Miles was the only exception, who never showed a slice of interest in knowing what life had planned for him. 

“Why should I wanna know? I’ve got no fucking future whatsoever.”

Miles gave him that tight, dry smile when Alex mentioned it. Alex didn’t argue. “That’s the point, right Miles? Everyone knows there won’t be a ten-years-later. But somehow you wake up, here is still another day for you. We can’t run away, whatever effort we put into the great escape…”

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean?” Miles shrugged with an indifferent headshake. “Save your fine speech, Alex. I ain’t that deep.”

That statement, just like many other things Miles had said to him, _was a lie. _Miles Kane had a soul so deep that Alex found himself drowning. Thinking back, Alex admitted likely in the very early stage, he was already vaguely aware of that dangerous destination he’s marching to. It's something in Miles’ eyes that kept stopping Alex from running away.

On the sheer contrary, Alex ran towards him.

3.

He met Miles rather frequently even before any words were exchanged. The bridge was the ceiling of Miles’ cabin for vacation, connecting the city council to the “Paradise” near where Alex lived. His flat was located on the end of Shadow Street, clamped by high office buildings, a hospital and the communication tower. Outlooking from his study room window, a few blocks away sat the Paradise: crowded by night clubs, bars and shabby hostels for travellers that probably would never come.

Miles was relatively new around here. Alex first spotted him during the wintertime, on the first day of February when his friends came over for dinner. Jamie nudged him to go faster while Alex turned his head sideways for this new resident of the Paradise: In this place people came and disappeared all the time, but Miles had made it really hard for people to ignore him. He got a brand-new fur coat on, walking around in a boyish manner. Miles happened to be jumping lazily over a grate on the pavement when Alex’s eyes met his. 

An alluring smirk flickered on that new face. Then Miles winked and blew him a kiss before disappearing at the street corner. 

“I’d advise you to stay away from him, Alex.” Jamie murmured as they stood outside the door, all shivering in cold. Alex was searching clumsily for his keys in the grocery bag with numb fingers. He barely heard what Jamie just said.

Jamie rarely talked about anything related to his work in the police station. For him to bring something up without Alex asking, it must be relatively serious. Alex sighed, pressing the elevator button down. “Please. Don’t tell me he’s another secret agent?”

Jamie darted him a weird look. He denied, “Unlikely. You’re lucky this time, mate.”

Alex then thought about those fancy clothes on that eye-catching lean body, the flirty way the young man smiled at random pedestrians. It’s not difficult to guess what kind of job the man might had. “He can’t be that special,” Alex chuckled. “Has he been arrested for something already?”

“Nearly, yeah. Probably the best troublemaker you can find around the area.” Jamie sneered, holding the lift door for Alex to go first. Alex was curious about what kind of crime that man had almost committed, since nearly everything was legal with the apocalypse looming above them. However, Matt and Nick arrived before he could bring it up again. As the night began to fall, the puzzle of Miles Kane was pushed to the back of Alex’s head. 

Temporarily.

4.

Miles almost always got bruises and open wounds on him when they met. Usually Alex asked no questions, but he certainly became a bit concerned this time. Miles was talking with a wheezing sound in his throat, wrapped in an oversized black cotton shirt, instead of some out-of-place, expensive clothes.

“You alright?” The question was out of Alex’s mouth even before Miles said his greetings. The taller man said nothing. He casted a quick glance over his shoulder, then turned back to Alex, gesturing him to keep walking. Recently, Miles would routinely pop up at some corner of a random block and walked Alex to the city park. Right in front of the park gate, Miles walked to the left for “work”, while Alex tuned right, returning to his empty flat after another day of playing _the Saviour:_

Alex Turner was one of the few prophets known to have survived _The Cleaning. _

His ability was awakened when Alex was still too young to comprehend it fully. At that time, “fortune teller” was a synonym for “evil witch” in the Middle Ages. Alex had learned how to hide, but there was no secret to keep when the world was about to end: Andy gave him away when he and his family were struggling to get pills for the pestilence. Alex didn’t hate him for it, but he also didn’t cry when he foresaw Andy’s death.

Death, that’s all Alex could see when he let his mind flow. Most of the time, he saw endings of unknown faces, people he’d never meet in his entire life. But it could also be someone he knew sometimes: either people close to him, or people thought to be important. 

With some efforts, there was a way to defeat the fate and prevent the deaths from happening. Therefore, Alex was considered extremely valuable for Camp 505. Every day he went to The Cornerstone and carried out his psychic thing until he’s too exhausted to open his eyes. The medical carers and scientists working around him were not his friends. Alex could see fear in their eyes even from a few meters away.

Miles wasn’t his friend either, but he’s not afraid of Alex. He was the one who always gave Alex pointed, suggestive looks whenever Alex walked pass the Paradise. There were a few other prostitutes along the streets, most of them were girls. No one dared to look at Alex twice after knowing what he was.

Tom talked to Alex a lot. He paid for the cigarrete Alex gave him daily with free beers and news on the streets. Bar fights here and there; This person slept with that man’s wife; Someone evaporated, and then some new faces settled down-

“Miles Kane, that’s his name.” Taking another long drag, Tom winced in clear disgust. “He became quite popular within weeks. He gets along well with the gang that handle drugs. Even owned himself a spot under the bridge.”

_Drugs, of course - _thought Alex. _That’s why Jamie knew this man._The reason was less interesting than Alex wanted it to be, but wasn’t half as bad as some other options.

“Watch out, Turner.” As their smoking chat came to an end, Tom suddenly warned Alex with a stone-like face. Heavily he spoke, “Kane is the Devil.”

5.

It made sense for the Devil to have an angelic face.

Alex couldn’t deny that Miles was physically attractive, although he’d only heard bad things about him so far. Miles wasn’t only popular among the criminals. He was also hell good at his job: Alex had seen him getting into luxury cars with many different men. By the time spring came, Alex even remembered the faces of a few Miles’ regulars. 

The signs of injury were nearly always associated with a tall white man with a crew cut and a body fit as a bull. They had started to bother Alex more and more, as his curiosity helplessly shifted into obsession. 

“You alright?” This was the first time Alex had voiced his concerns, since Miles became his occasional “bodyguard” for crossing the Paradise.

Miles pressed a palm over his own chest, nodding nonchalantly. However, the way Miles narrowed his shoulders told Alex the injury under that long sleeve was nowhere near nothing.

“Why do you go with him?” Alex blurred out, genuinely perplexed by Miles’ choice of life. He saw no need for this man to sell his body for sex and the associated violence. 

“I prefer a real bed and no rats to share it with.” Miles flashed him an evil smile. It’s hard to tell if he was being serious or just messing with Alex. “Besides, I like me some nice clothes.”

Alex’s eyes widened in shock. Miles laughed at Alex’s expression, but then immediately grimaced, hutching his shoulders in pain. “Why do you even go to work, Alex?” Miles hissed. There wasn’t much hostility in his voice. He just sounded tired and bored.

“I-” Alex stuck. The answer didn’t feel right when saying out loud, but he carried on with it, trying to persuade no one else. “I have to.”

Miles seemed rather pleased with himself when Alex stumbled on the lie. He replied with a weirdly smug declaration, “That, you see, has really made you one of my kind, Al.”

They parted as usual at the city park. Alex didn’t correct Miles on the nickname he used. Neither did he retort to Miles’ nonsense. In the past few months, he had already learned that they were similar souls: Miles was the troublemaker, while Alex sought for trouble.

He was not completed until Miles Kane occurred.

6.

“Hey, leave him alone.”

Alex was startled out of the daze when the familiar voice echoed in the dark alley. His vision turned back to clear soon afterwards. Once the ground stopped spinning, Alex was greeted by three disappointing dirty little faces in front of him. One of the boys sniffed and was ready to cry. That’s when Miles came closer, drawing all attention to himself.

“Let me tell you what’s gonna happen in your future, kiddo.” He cooed in a sickeningly sweet tone, eyes on the scared boys. Casually, one elegant finger pointed towards the kid with the long face. “You die. He dies. Everyone here goes to _Hel_-” 

“Miles!”

The taller man glanced up at him, unmoved, while Alex glared back warningly, holding his ground. They held eye contact for a few seconds until a kid actually started to cry. Immediately, Alex was thrown into panic: He never knew how to deal with children, especially when they were upset. This time though, he didn’t have to rack his brains for a solution, because Miles simply drove them away with a rude, threatening gesture.

“Ponce!” One of them spitted towards Miles’ expensive-looking shoes before running away. It missed the mark, and actually made the man laugh. Alex watched with his mouth wide open: Miles giggled uncontrollably at the insult, seemingly satisfied with himself. 

Alex made no sound until Miles calmed down. The young man turned on his heels, “You’d think people shall be more open-minded at the end of the fucking world.”

“To be fair, you were a total jerk earlier.” Alex murmured, leaning back on the brick wall. He then realized the high chance to be misread and hurried to explain.

“Not saying he should use the word-”

“Nah, never mind. The little brat’s only telling the truth. By the way, that’s also what I just did.”

Miles found himself a spot next to Alex. Being this close, Alex could see a few swollen cuts on his lips and a weal on his left cheek, like a scorch mark.

With his eyes, Alex traced those injuries scattered on Miles’ pale skin. From his cheekbone all the way to where that black silk shirt concealed whatever damages that had been done to the younger man’s torso. Knowing very well all those were inflicted on purpose, Alex had to look away. He couldn’t bear the sorrow welling up in his chest.

It took Alex a long time to realize the sight had also made him _angry._

Alex wasn’t aware of Miles staring at him also, until the taller man shuffled forward. A hand landed on Alex’s wrist, clinging to the thin bone there. Miles said to him, “I can make an exclusive discount just for you, if you ask really nicely.”

Alex gagged on his next breath. Miles pulled away and burst out laughing, mocking mercilessly at how red Alex instantly became. He jumped back and grabbed at Alex elbow, then started to walk them both. “I’m kidding, man. Fucking relax, I’ve got no interest in virgins.”

“I’m not a –” Alex shut himself up when Miles giggled again. He couldn’t help but smile a bit himself, despite the uncomfortable feelings still churning in his stomach.

Miles was clearly in a bad mood earlier when he lashed out at the kids, but now the gloomy aura around him dissipated. He was behaving more like himself again, working hard to talk Alex’s ears off. “Never do anything like this again, Alex. The area isn’t actually a safe zone, you know what I mean? Don’t let the kids mess with your judgment, Jesus…and you should cut your stupid mop of hair as well. You look like a bird from behind. It’s way more dangerous when…”

A whole block was soon left behind them. Miles was still bubbling in a grumpy manner, his hand not leaving Alex’s arm for a second. Alex didn’t know what was happening around here recently: Tom hadn’t been keen on talking to him since Alex muddled along with Miles. However, he did notice the Paradise was absurdly quiet today. Miles looked around alarmingly as they crossed the last intersection, sharp shoulder blades drawing together anxiously.

When Alex finally wrapped his head around the abnormal behaviours of Miles, who’s always so calm, so cool and sometime appeared to be almost cold, a ticklish feeling burst and grew in his stomach, making Alex chuckle in disbelief.

He had to say something, otherwise he’d explode like a balloon. “Were you…are you worried about me, Miles?”

“Of course! Who’s gonna be my personal entertainment again if this one’s killed on my watch? It’s bad advertisement for business and we don’t want that, do we?” Miles sneered half-heartedly, loosening his grip in relief as the entrance of the city park came into view. Here came the time for Miles to walk away and Alex to go back to his lonely flat.

A strange impulse gripped him as Miles began to turn, bringing Alex to call after him.

“Miles,” He hesitated briefly. That’s enough time for Miles’ expression to change from confusion to smugness. Alex bit down on his bottom lip, fighting against the urge to fidget. “You wanna come to my place tonight?”

“Darling, sorry to break it to you, but you can’t afford me night.” Miles shook head disapprovingly. However, his legs didn’t move. “And I certainly don’t do instalments.”

Alex was pretty sure even the pedestrians across the street could hear his eyes roll. “Just let me patch you up and you’re free to go.”

“Aha, so are we roleplaying tonight? You’ll be my sweet little nurse and I’m the-”

“The dickhead?” Alex snapped fondly. Under his questioning gaze, Miles hummed lowly and frowned at Alex, seemingly debating on the reply. Once Miles figured Alex wasn’t joking about the offer, out of nowhere, he dragged out a genuine, almost innocent-looking smile. It’s such a rare look on his face, but so pleasing to see at the same time. Alex stomach jumped up a few centimetres with it, and it stayed floating for a while.

Miles took one stride back at him, head tilting to one side as he asked, “So, does this mean you’re worried about me, Al?”

Alex was not like him. Therefore, there weren’t any smartass remarks leaving his mouth in time. Strangely, Miles didn’t make fun of him this time. This time Miles trailed behind him, walking quietly. The silence was comforting and calming. Alex again struggled to find the key at the front door, because his palms were sweating too much. 

Miles waited patiently until they were both in the elevator. Taking a deep breath in, Miles loosened the top two buttons of his shirt right after they got inside the cramped box. Under the harsh white light, suddenly Alex saw clearly a large piece of angry bruises around Miles’ neck, vaguely exhibiting the shape of a hand. 

Rage blasted inside Alex’s skull.

“Who did this?”

He hissed so venomously that Miles threw his head back in surprise. There was something close to fear in his eyes. Sometimes, like now, if Alex dared to show how much he really cared, Miles would recoil as if he’s physically burned. Miles grimaced, saying, “Alex, I know you’ve got a heart of diamond and everything, but no need for an overkill.”

That was a subtle reminder Miles gave, but Alex wasn’t ready to let it go. He had an awful day already in The Cornerstone, witnessing a teenage girl been beaten to death by her own cousins. They wouldn’t let Alex get off work early even after he emptied his stomach twice in the toilet: They failed to identify her. She might as well be dead at anytime, yet Alex was repeatedly told to just keep “working”-

In his whole life, Alex was always learning to _care less_. It turned out that not giving a damn was way harder than he thought when it’s Miles who asked. Alex burst out, “Why are you even doing all this? Miles, you’d make enough money for a bloody mansion with your dealer friends, damn it! You don't need to-”

Miles interrupted him with a cold chuckle. “You mean those friends who call me a whore behind me back? Is that why you invite me here, Alex? Playing Saint during your day job isn’t enough for you anymore?”

The accusation made Alex’s skin crawl. “You know I don’t think it that way!”

“You don’t, then why the fuck do you care who I sleep with?” Miles glared at him in despise. He was about to snap again when Alex’s eyes were filled with honest tears. The vicious, fake smirk on Miles’ face froze.

“Oh,” Miles didn’t smile anymore. “Because _you care _who I sleep with.”

Miles cowered at one corner for the rest of the ride. He didn’t leave the lift as it came to a halt at the 25thfloor. Right before the door closed Alex casted a final glance at him. Miles was staring at the side mirror, looking completely lost. Alex felt it ten times more as he sniffed and sobbed into the void. 

There was a time he approached Miles out of pure curiosity. Technically, Miles was never even Alex’s friend. He used not to be someone Alex would cry for.

Looking at where he was now, it was funny that Alex once thought he was able hold onto his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

7.

It had to be lonesomeness that made him sentimental, not the hopeless yearning for something real. After all, the world was falling apart. Nothing real could last, so why crying over something he was doomed to lose?

Whatever Alex chose to tell himself, in reality, he had failed to sleep after Miles left. Despite being knackered, Alex lied awake in bed restlessly. Outside, it began to rain. 

He finally got some shuteye when the sky began to open up. While Alex slept, for the first time in years, he dreamed.

8.

Jamie was waiting for him outside when Alex opened the door in crumpled clothes, hair messy and eyes stinging from dryness. “Mate, there’s literally only one surveillance camera that’s still on 24/7 and you know where it was? Inside your freaking lift!”

The blonde shoved Alex inside, then slammed the door heavily behind them. “Inviting Kane to your home now? What did I tell you, Alex? Have you lost your goddamn mind? You gotta stay the hell away from him!”

The more Jamie berated him for being stupid, the deeper Alex sank into self-pity. Despite so, Alex felt no remorse. He admitted feebly. “…I tried.”

Jamie scrutinized him, stunned by Alex’s passive response. After a few seconds of silent treatment, suddenly Jamie darted his gaze away in guilt, heaving out a sigh. “Luckily it’s me on duty this morning. Deleted the footage already. I’m sorry Alex, this is on me as well. I thought…I wondered it’s for the best to not tell you. We were afraid to alert him.” 

No need for a coherent further explain. It wasn’t hard to guess what Jamie had to say. Alex blinked at him in deadly calmness. For a while, he just felt…nothing.

Even the pain inside his chest had evaporated, leaving him numb and empty like an unoccupied shell.

At the very start, _that possibility_ did cross Alex’s mind once or twice. After all, nowadays crossing between two camps individually was a formidable challenge. The rare visitors were always here for Alex. The fact Jamie had denied that Miles was on a mission had surely lowered Alex’s guard down.

Turned out he’s fooled by not only himself, but one of his closest friends of as well.

“… I can only tell this much. Kane’s not some lost kid on the streets. Alex, sorry I didn’t say something earlier… you there, Al? Al, Alex!”

Alex snapped out of his own brain. He had missed his opportunity to be angry with Jamie. To be completely honest with himself, he simply didn’t feel the need to. Eventually Alex let Jamie take him to work with his police car. They drove in deadly silence, for Alex lost all desire to make a sound.

9.

It only took the slimmest hope for some people to choose living their last days with dignity: going out, making new friends, having sex with each other. Not to say chaos and blood weren’t spreading: How frighteningly negligible one man’s life had become, as each day there were more people dying?

Alex wasn’t really an optimist himself. But once or twice a month, if they were lucky, Alex would happen to see something of vital importance: A new explosion of epidemic disease; Arson targeted on power stations; Indiscriminate shooting of civilians because someone finally went crazy. He saw disasters in advance and helped prevent them from happening. It used to give him a reason to wake up in the morning.

There was a nuclear explosion in Camp 309 two years ago, having almost wiped off the entire population inside, causing a few camps nearby to relocate. The disaster was foreseen without knowing the exact time of occurrence. Alex came back home, burnt-out but relieved.

He remembered vividly the next morning, sinking into an ice pool when he woke up to the brutal news of a massacre. It still made him flinch thinking back.

Then Alex learned that their camp was trading “useful information” with others for resources: medical supplies, food, clean water and energy sources. The nuclear explosion happened five minutes after the emergency conference began. While some were negotiating how much benefit they could get, thousands of people died_for nothing._

Alex began to see why so many lives were wasted on trying to get to him in the past few years: Other camps wanted to rid Camp 505 of its leverage. Alex had an old gunshot wound on his left shoulder, which still hurt if it ever snowed. Knowing what’s been happening in the dark, slowly Alex became unmoved by the agents sent, turning immune to death threats and any form of hatred as a whole: He hadn’t got a life worth living anyway.

However, Alex was not ready for Miles Kane.

Under the camouflage of a vulnerable occupation and problematic choices of friends, Miles had opened a unique path to Alex’s heart with that reckless self-destruction of his. He dangled in front of Alex, luring Alex to make the first move. In the meantime, Alex watched him closely, oblivious to the little game Miles was playing.

Surrounded by his evil associates, Miles always seemed so lonely, so much so that Alex felt close to him, close enough to fall for a lie. He was blinded by the pleasant surprise of finding someone who could read his mind. He even let himself to be hopelessly in love.

Alex never suspected Miles would approach him for something to earn.

10.

Once he watched Miles chewing on some pills that could screw your head up for days. When walking Alex to the park, Miles yelled to Alex’s face at the top of his lungs. “Nobody gives a fuck about you, Al. No one! They just- they all need you for something. Without that cursed ability of yours, they won’t fucking care if your brain is all over the ground…”

That wasn’t true, for Alex did have a few true friends who genuinely loved him. But he wouldn’t brag about it now, not when Miles’ bloodshot eyes jerked open and he stared at Alex in an unreadable fever, eyes glistening under the moonlight. Alex didn’t have to ask if Miles was just like the rest of them. With him, _Alex felt different. _

Although now his instinct seemed nothing but a delusion, there was one small piece that couldn’t fit into the jigsaw map of Miles Kane no matter what: _Why did Miles need to run, when the perfect opportunity was placed into his hands by Alex himself?_

Alex dragged his steps on an unfamiliar road, again reading the message Jamie sent to him a few hours ago, asking to meet up so that he could drive Alex home. Alex’s pace slowed down gradually and eventually ceased, just as he saw the massive grey building Jamie worked in.

Alex had reached the busiest area in Camp 505. The plethora of people passed him by in an indifferent hurry: Everyone who had a home was trying to get back before the lights went out. Surrounded by all these people, he was _so very alone. _

The realization didn’t bother Alex too much. However, the memories of Miles’ finger around his wrist stirred and lingered about, in that chaotic mind of his. The decision was easy to make. All of the sudden Alex blushed guiltily. Holding the left arm against his chest, Alex dived back into the crowds.

He made a U-turned at the next block, leaving the police station behind.

11.

Alex took the river path to walk home. He didn’t seek for danger on purpose. It just happened while Alex was deeply in thoughts and paid no attention to where he was going.

“Look at who this is!”

A drown-out, sarcastic scream woke him up. Alex almost tripped on the scree. Holding the wall for balance, Alex noticed a few men getting up from their seats. Tony, Tyler and Ben. Alex went through their names in his head as they closed in on him. 

“How many more times do I need to tell you, this is my place.” A sour smell hit Alex’s nose as Ben sneered. “You just can’t learn, Turner.”

“Cut the crap! Just rip that pretty head off, Tony.”

“Let’s then crack it open and see what’s so different inside, huh? Tell me, God, am I gonna die tonight?”

Yelled Tyler, and the rest of them all howled with laughter. All except one, who sprung on his feet and shifted out of the shadow grimly, pushing over a few laughing blokes and grabbed Tony’s arm before he could even get close to Alex.

“Let me handle him.”

Miles demanded casually but firmly, eyes on Ben. By doing that, he certainly earned himself more jeerers. One boy squatting at the back doubled over, wheezing. “Hold his sweet little hand, Kane!” Someone on the ground shouted. Miles ignored every single provoking mock with a blank face, subtly turning his body so that Alex was shielded between him and the wall. His back was exposed fully to Alex. A dark sense of humour twisted inside Alex’s stomach, making him wonder Miles’ reaction _if Alex hurt him right now. _

The thought was gone as abruptly as it came. The leader shrugged, icy cold annoyance clear in his eyes. Miles must have more power in this gang than Alex had always imagined. “Fine, Kane. Fuck off with your bimbo then. Today I don’t want to see your face again.”

The ugly word made Miles’ other hand curl into a loose fist. But Miles kept quiet, even smiling a bit when Tyler wiggled his arm free and laid a brutal, humiliating hand on his hip, whispering more insults into his ears. The man looked up deliberately and Alex’s eyes met with the stocky, dark-haired bloke. The smirk on his face gave Alex creeps.

Alex wasn’t even thinking when he abruptly stepped forward and violently batted Tyler’s arm away, replacing it with his own. Miles gasped in shock, throwing a warning glare and immediately shoved Alex out of the tunnel. He then turned back himself, shouting something at his agitated colleague, forcing Tyler to back off and leave them alone. Their heated conversation lasted 3 seconds, maybe 5, before Miles went out to catch up with Alex.

“Fuck, you’re even crazier than I thought.” The taller man snapped in horror. “Have you no fear, Alex? Why would you do that?”

Sometimes, Miles acted like he was the one who cared Alex for nothing. Knowing what he knew, it confused Alex to no end. He let himself being dragged onto the main road by Miles, the two of them moving awkwardly to the pedestrian entrance of the bridge.

Alex’s voice came out broken and low. “Why would you care?”

Miles threw his free hand into the air, motioning Alex to hurry up. “Because you can seriously get yourself killed!”

“So that’s it,” Alex translated, “I’ll be no use to you if I’m dead.”

Miles staggered on his next step, flinched and withdrew his arm harshly. “Where’s that one coming from?”

“Isn’t there anything you’d like to tell me, Miles?”

He did the exact opposite of what Jamie had told him to do, breaking the news to Miles. The younger lad stopped dead on track, turning to face Alex. The hint of guilt flickering on his face had told Alex enough. Miles mouth opened and closed a few times, while Alex waited.

Eventually Miles shook his head. Alex had come this far, yet Miles chose to run again. 

“Miles-”

“Go home, Alex. Go before it gets dark.”

12.

The next day on the way to The Cornerstone, Jamie kept checking on him in the rearview mirror. “I don’t wanna say you have the duty to keep your head clear because that’s bullshits. But you are really making me worried here, Alex. Did you go to see him again?”

Alex shrugged instead of replying. After a while, he asked, “Are you going to kill him?” 

“No. Kane will lead us to our target. You’re gonna be much safer after-”

“I mean after that.”

Jamie actually turned his head to give Alex a warning look. “He’s just one more spy. You’ve seen their kind, Alex. Keep your distance, but don’t ever let him know you and we’re aware, otherwise they might try to make a move sooner. I don’t wanna have to put you on protective custody. If anything, Al, call me or Matt. Okay?”

_Too late._Alex nodded curtly, thinking to himself. _Miles already knew._

13.

It seemed that everything Miles ever did, he did it with the intention for Alex to think he was somebody so special that Alex couldn’t live without. This for sure included waiting for Alex by the door when he came out of Tom’s bar, drunk and shattered, longing for Miles’ company.

Alex squinted at him, snorting. “Good night, mind-reader.”

Miles greeted him like nothing had happened and his cover didn’t just get blown. He had a milky white turtleneck on, probably to cover whatever scars still left on his neck. There were no fresh wounds on his face this time. Alex was overwhelmed by the desire to touch his scabby chin.

Instead Alex reached for Miles’ arm. It was usually the other way around, with him going wherever Miles planned to lead them to. But today Alex had his fingers wrapped tightly around Miles’ forearm, dragging him close until their chests were pressed together. 

He spat, confused and sad. “Why wait? You have all the chances in the world to get what you want.” 

Miles asked nonchalantly, looking straight into Alex’s eyes. “What is that you think I want, Alex?” 

Alex let him go. He almost rolled off the stairs, if not for Miles’ hands around his shoulder. “I don’t understand you sometimes, Miles.” Alex whined tiredly, head tilting back.

He didn’t know why Miles moved him so naturally, without effort, like the sun moved the moon.

“Miles,” Alex muttered to himself. The fabric of Miles’ shirt was soft and cold against Alex’s burning skin. Alex wouldn’t even mind if Miles was here to take his life. He held onto Miles tightly, mumbling, “Miles I love -”

“Shhh, don’t be daft.” The drunk Alex was to argue he wasn’t stupid at all, but every word bailed on him when Miles reached for his hand and entwined their fingers, gently walking Alex down the last few stairs. “You shouldn’t drink this much, Al.” When he spoke, Alex smelled tobacco, mixed with the charming scent of a liar. Miles led the way, gingerly holding Alex’s hand in his. He was quiet during the walk. His palm was dry and warm and by now the touch had become almost familiar to Alex.

They reached the city park without further trouble. The jolting walk along the way plus the warm body supporting him made Alex’s stomach funny. He was about to be sick.

“Do you wanna come inside and sit for a while?” Miles motioned towards the tenebrous garden. It wasn’t an ask, but an invitation. Waiting on the other side, there might be a team with deadly weapons that’s waiting to shove Alex in a van and transferred him to another cage, or simply to end Alex’s misery by blowing his head off. Alex couldn’t tell. He never saw his own fate. Therefore, when Miles tugged slightly on his sleeve, Alex followed him without hesitation.

They settled side by side on a damp, dusty bench near the gate. Miles’ kneecap poked into Alex’s thigh as he shortened the distance between them. Alex thought of the ambiguous, weird expressions Miles often used. He should know better than expecting this man to be honest and true. 

The truth was Alex didn’t even need Miles to be. He just wanted a prove that Miles didn’t just care about the prophet, but also the man who bore the curse. He’d happily die with that.

They both fell silent. The sound of leaves shuffling in the wind was a lament to the days where Alex could stop himself from asking questions, from wanting. He looked up at the sky, while the stars kindly looked back at him. His head was aching from seeing too much, thinking too much and then drinking too much. He still felt nauseous.

Slowly but surely, the night cleared his mind. A sigh slipped out of Alex mouth bitterly when he eventually looked down. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Miles moved his gaze up to the starry summer sky. Once again, he tried to joke and flirt his way around, “Thanks love. I’m comfy where I am, too.”

“Why?” Alex yearned for the truth of Miles’ presence. He didn’t mind falling for a lie, but couldn’t just live with it. His soul got greedy. “Tell me what you want from me, Miles. I don’t even care what that is-just, just let me know and I’ll let you have it. I will, Miles, I swear to-”

Miles tensed beside him. He objected quietly, silencing Alex with a squeeze on his knee. “You aren’t supposed to say that.”

“What?” Alex frowned. Again, he was faced with the stubborn piece not fitting into the jigsaw: Miles shied away from him, after deliberately getting Alex addicted to him. A fresh wave of puzzled frustration swallowed Alex, making I’m livid. “You get to talk shits all the time, don’t you, Miles. Why can’t I have my share?” 

“I do, but you can’t say it back, Al.” He insisted. Miles licked his upper lip mindlessly, avoiding Alex’s gaze. He looked uncharacteristically cautious and hesitant, while all the booze made Alex uncharacteristically brave and impatient.

He grabbed at Miles’ face and leaned in, slamming their lips together. Miles made a choking sound, fingers burying into Alex’s long hair behind his ear in surprise. Alex couldn’t remember when’s the last time he actually got this close to someone. The kiss was desperate and unskilful, with the other participating party barely responding.

“…ya shitty for an expert, Miles.” Alex scolded tightly, then burst out laughing at himself. He was partly waiting for Miles to say something, to admit he’s here for Alex (and Alex only). But to his disappointment, Miles had collected himself already, slapping Alex with a defiant smile and pulled him close with the hand still in Alex’s hair. His mouth was back. Everything aside, Miles was an excellent kisser. He was unbelievably gentle in an almost chaste way, even when his tongue was doing all kinds of dirty tricks Alex didn’t know existing.

“Am I?” Miles’ eyes were wide with something so similar to regret while Alex panted with exertion, despite the smirk on his face. There was no ambush waiting for Alex here, only the stubborn, mysterious man who wouldn’t let Alex share his darkness.

“Just tell me the truth, Miles. Fuck, don’t you know the world’s gonna end?” Alex reasoned. Miles frowned disapprovingly at him, hand sliding down to lay on Alex’s nape. He was repeating the pattern, teasing Alex with tenderness but never going further.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what I want, Alex.” Miles spared him a light pat on the cheek, pulling away, leaving Alex alone on the bench. “Please don’t love me.”

14.

“…oh what a pity. Unfortunately it’s my off-day, sir.”

Alex heard Miles’ voice before seeing his figure. It’s the Miles he’s familiar with: Bold, restless and cocky when he chose to be. Right after he turned down the old man in suits, Miles swung back and saw Alex standing at the end of the alley.

His face darkened briefly before lit by a smile. “Hey, Al.”

It took a deep breath for Miles to run over to where Alex was. “You’re off early today.” 

“I couldn’t function properly. They gave up on me early.”

Miles’ face puckered with concern as Alex told him bluntly what happened. The constant lack of sleep had ruined his mind, making Alex nearly useless today. He couldn’t bring himself to care much. Just this one day, Alex wanted to have it to himself and wasted it with Miles, the man who pushed him away and then left him to cry alone in the dark last night.

He started to ramble, giving Miles all the confidential information, detailed to when there would be no eyes on them so if Miles wanted to try anything, he couldn’t fail-

“Shut up, Alex! Shut! Up! What the hell are you doing?” Miles raised his voice, masking what Alex was bubbling. He hissed lowly once Alex shut his mouth. “Are you mad? It’s in the middle of the Paradise!”

Alex pressed about it again. “Are you here because of me?”

“Am I -” Miles’ lips trembled in sheer anger. Suddenly he roared, causing a few heads to turn. “Of course I’m here because of you. Everyone is here because of you! Have you no idea who the fuck you are, Alex?”

“Who do you work for?”

Miles glared at him. The second they left the Paradise behind, Miles shoved both hands into his own hair and ruined the perfectly styled fringe in distress. He shook violently, spitting the words out one by one. “Does it even matter?”

Alex was not expecting Miles to break so easily. With his vague admission, Alex made a daring guess. “The guy who beats you up all the time...you’re not sleeping with him. You- you’re not doing any street business at all, Miles. All those fancy cars and sunglasses at night... that’s your men, am I right?”

“You’re stretching your imagination a bit too much here, Al.” Once again Miles lied to his face, talking in a fast, feverish way. For the first time, Alex felt the tide was turned and he’s in control.

“Miles, they’ve always known who you are. They may get to you and your people first, if you don’t do it soon.”

Miles blocked his eyes with a shaky hand, groaning. “Do what? Bloody hell, I’m not gonna hurt you, Alex. Can you please just leave me alone?”

“No.” Alex refused right away. 

Miles looked up at him, bewildered. Alex wanted to smack his face or kiss it dearly. With a fatuous, daring hope, he cracked, “Come with me tonight.”

The plea properly freaked Miles out. “Come on, Alex. I mean you no harm. You can go turn me in if you want. But don’t say-”

The refusal stung badly: now the younger man rather chose to be shot. But before it’s Miles who always teased, making Alex flustered with unstable suggestions. An ambiguous sense of humiliation dragged the venomous words out of his mouth. “How much, Miles? I’ll pay the fucking bill.” Alex added, as a childish get-back for yesterday. “Don’t worry, I won’t love someone like you.”

It’s meant to be cruel and insulting. Still, Alex regretted it the second his dazed brain comprehended what he just said. However, what Alex received in return was a little gasp, followed a melancholic, tentative smile on Miles’ face. It completely knocked Alex off his feet. Miles looked at Alex almost pitifully, as if Alex had begged for his adoration instead of calling him a slut. His eyes were full of tenderness, but cold and unyielding at the same time.

“…I once said I’d give you a special price, didn’t I? Pay it with your promise then, Alex. I wanna hear you say it.” 

Alex was on the edge of tears. He bit down on the inside of his cheeks and lied through shuddering teeth. “I will not love you.”

Miles peered into his eyes with a strange, frightening devotion. Eventually he nodded once. “Deal.”

With that, Alex’s soul was sold to the Devil.

15.

“Have you even done the before?” Said Alex sarcastically, fingers leaving his own marks. He’d take away every scar on Miles’ torso with words of love if he only could, but he’s not even allowed to try.

Alex pushed into him in haste. Miles didn’t bat an eye, only moaning lowly as Alex decided on a punishing pace, racking him into the creaky mattress of some nameless hostel. He’s painfully tight around Alex, body tense and shivering. Alex’s head was muzzy from the way Miles squirmed underneath him. He thrusted forwards and buried all the way in, pressing his lips to Miles’ neck, where his pulse was racing, and the purple coloured bruise had faded and turned into a morbid shade of yellow.

Alex whispered, “I know you lie.”

That knocked a wail out of Miles’ chest. He took in a deep breath, pulling at Alex’s hair so hard that it felt like they were coming off his scalp under the force. Miles laughed through gritted teeth, throwing his head back as Alex bit him in revenge. “You know nothing, babe.” He panted brokenly, eyes squeezed shut. “Let’s- ah, Al...let’s keep it that way.”

Alex reached down for Miles’ cock. The pain didn’t seem to turn Miles off at all. Maybe Alex was indeed stretching his imagination too much, because he could no longer stand the idea of Miles being with anyone else. He spat, fiercely kiss Miles on the lips. “I’m not your baby.” 

“You shouldn’t be.” Miles groaned, cupping the back of his head, looking deeply into Alex’s eyes. He was all Alex could feel, and Alex couldn’t keep his promise however hard he tried. The apologizing confession was already on the tip of his tongue when Miles’ eyes blinked open and saw right through him. He begged for the first time of that night, “Alex! Please Al- you promised-”

A drop of tear fell onto Miles’ flushed face. Alex cut Miles off with a kiss, didn’t want to hear it one more time. He couldn’t get any closer to him, but somehow it felt like Miles was leaving already. In agonized silence they fucked. It was rushed, semi-angry and burdened with lies. Later, Miles tugged a sobbing Alex into his arms, pressing a hesitant kiss on his forehead. He still had the heart to tell that Alex better go back to his flat now.

In the moment, Alex felt so lonely that he’d rather there’s no tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

15.

During the next few days, Miles was nowhere to be found.

From the start, it was an unfair relationship they were building: Always, Miles found Alex. He came whenever he wanted, and he left whenever he felt the need to. Alex had no idea how to move him, or what to do to make Miles stay.

Alex waited for him at the city park the day after. He kept doing the same for another three days, until it’s painfully obvious that Miles wasn’t gonna show up anytime soon. When Alex turned to his old friends, Tom wouldn’t tell more than what Alex had already known: Miles hadn’t been seeing around the area since Tuesday.

Tom shut the door in front of his face.

“I don’t butt in, Alex. You shouldn’t either.”

Left with no other option, on Saturday Alex chose a different route home. For obvious reasons, Alex didn’t take this short-cut often. He was hoping to find Miles along the way, yet there was no sign of him under the bridge.

Fortunately, the gang were absent as well, only a skinny young man sitting in the shadow. Eugene - Alex recognized his face. Miles mentioned that lad once or twice in his ramblings. Alex only now realized how much he remembered all those casual things Miles had said.

“Looking for Miles?” Eugene rubbed his nose with dirty fingers, waving at Alex. He was a nice lad, always quiet and polite to Alex even before Miles came here. Eugene was clearly stoned, but still disturbingly coherent. “Couldn’t find him anywhere this week. Boss said he’s probably rotted in some fancy hotel room - er, so…sorrie.”

Alex wondered what his expression was like for Eugene to apologize.

“I don’t think he’s dead. Sometimes Miles left for days without us knowing his whereabouts. He’s got many secrets, so who knows…maybe Miles left for good. He came from a different one, you know. Camp … three something.”

A string inside Alex’s brain was tugged by that number. Suddenly, a frightening thought hit him like a bolt of lightning. “Camp 309?”

“Can’t remember... the one that got blown up!” Eugene eyed him curiously. “What, you didn’t know? We thought he’d tell you everything, including favourite colour for panties-”

Alex ignored the mocking bits of Eugene’s drug talking and thanked the young man, who’d most likely forget seeing Alex’s face tomorrow. The roaring sound of the river covered Eugene’s reply. Not that Alex waited for one. He tumbled out of the tunnel, knees shaky and cold sweat soaking through his T-shirt.

He ran.

16.

Back in the days when he’s only curious about his new acquaintance, Alex asked Miles once or twice where he came from. The younger man always danced around the question, claiming mysteries added to his charm. Miles didn’t want to say, so Alex didn’t think to pry.

He wondered whether Miles’ beloved ones died in the explosion. Was it some sort of revenge, Miles finding all kind of ways to earn Alex’s heart, then casually throwing it away after he had it? Alex didn’t blame him for nothing. If anything, he was pickled in guilt.

Eventually Miles decided to show some mercy and spare Alex from his own head. This time he actually pushed open the front door and stepped inside Tommy’s Bar, way before Alex was drunk enough to face him without looking away.

“I tried to find you at…” Alex couldn’t think of the name of Miles’ hiding places. Behind the bar, Tom was staring at them warily. A few other regulars were also peeking from behind their pint. Miles noticed them, then his lips curved up in amusement.

“They keep looking at us…like in a movie.” Miles leaned in and whispered, “Shall we give them something to watch about?”

The joke didn’t work well.

“Where have you been?”

Alex’s question came out woefully eager. Miles looked at him attentively, shaking his head. His neck turned to the right, revealing a red mark behind his left ear. That’s another thing he wouldn’t let Alex know. “I was just wrapping up some old business. Now that it’s nearly finished, figured I should come and find ya.”

Before his mouth even opened, Alex had already anticipated the upcoming agony. Miles looked around briefly, before returning his attention all to Alex.

“Soon I must be gone.” Miles hummed under his breath, soaking Alex with an unreadable, heated gaze. It took him a long time to smile, but Miles did so. Then he said, “I’d like to say me goodbye, Al.”

17.

It was late at night, the Paradise full of lost souls. No one paid them any attention. 

“Quit looking at me like that, Al.”

If Miles was to disappear tomorrow, Alex wouldn’t move his eyes away even with a gun to his head. They walked down the street slowly, shoulders almost touching. Miles’ pace effortlessly matched with his. The two of them being so in tune filled Alex’s chest with pre-prepared sorrow. Maybe he had already foreseen Miles leaving without himself knowing.

Alex looked up into the sky. He bolted out, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” 

“Were your really from Camp 309, Miles?”

The question rolling right of Alex’s tongue dimmed Miles’ smile. The taller man sighed, stepping heavily. “Eugene told you.” 

“During the explosion, have you…lost someone?”

Miles burst out laughing. It was a cold, shilling sound. “I’ve lost everything, Al. It’s obvious, don’t you think?”

That’s the closest to honest that Miles had ever been with him, yet Alex felt forlorn. He apologized again, making Miles to have warm fingers wrapping around his wrist. “I don’t hate you, Alex. I know it’s not your fault. There’s nothing you could do about it. The way this place functions is just sick, you know. You’re like…the God they’ve nailed to the cross. How can I blame you for this?”

Alex’s throat tightened. Miles was being overly sweet and joke-lacking with him. This was clearly part of his goodbye speech.

“You said you’re here for me.”

“Yeah, but not to kill you, Al.” Miles flashed him an assuring smile. It’s hard to tell if he’s joking or not. “Not at more.”

With no need to exchange a word, both didn’t halt at the gate of the park. They shared the same bench as last time. Miles was still talking as they sat down.

“Anyway, it’s been a good few months, innit? I’ve got something for you, Al. Consider it as a small souvenir.” He was carrying a black plastic bag all the way, and now searching inside it for something. Alex’s mouth dropped open when Miles held up the little parting gift under his nose. 

Inside the bag was a single rose. But not like the plastic fakes people could only get those days. _It’s a real one._

“What is this?” Alex asked, in sudden, blind, burning rage. 

“A flower, obviously-”

“I know it’s a bloody flower, damn it! What is this that you’re doing, Miles? Why do you have to do this kind of - you made me fall in love with you! And after I did you just... you made me fucking promise! Fuck, then you left for a month, you fucking coward. You won’t ever tell me nothing and now you come here to announce you’re leaving for good.” Alex took the rose from Miles’ hand, spitting each word at his stunned face. “What do you want me to even remember, Miles, with this?”

He didn’t plan on losing control. But by the end of it, Alex was definitely crying. He now saw how this would end: Just like last time, Miles would leave him to cry alone in the darkness after gifting him some illusions of love. And this time he probably wouldn’t even bother to come back. For so many times, Alex had begged Miles for a permission to love him, which he shouldn’t be asking for in the first place. “You came to me first, Miles. It was you… now you’ve changed your mind.” Alex whimpered, wiping his face with what’s left of his temper. A thorn of the rose dug painfully into his other palm. He again felt so betrayed.

So lonely.

“Al, it’s not like that.” Miles’ voice quivered as well. Alex couldn’t see his face clearly under the cover of night. Therefore, he couldn’t tell when and why they suddenly reached the turning point.

Miles’ breath got heavy and unsteady. He said, “You can’t change my mind with a gun to my head.”

Alex blinked away the tears, doubting if he had heard it right or not. Miles’ fingers caressed his scalp, sliding down behind his ear and back up to the temple. The touch was so hatefully loving and kind. Miles pressed their foreheads together. “I don’t know what to do, Alex. You’re making this way too hard for me, you know? I admit in the beginning I was just messing with you. It was all a bit of fun, until I just- I didn’t see it coming. You weren’t supposed to take it so seriously, Alex. You weren’t supposed to warn me about your people. And you can’t say shits like you’d let me harm you…you’re just mad, Alex.”

Miles held Alex’s hand, the one holding the rose. His eyes were wet with previously unseen honesty. “We’re the same, aren’t we? I’m properly mad for you.”

18.

“…seems like all I do is make you cry.” Miles chucked darkly, pressing a warm, tingling kiss to Alex’s entrance. His tongue put enough pressure to make Alex bit on the dirty pillow, fruitlessly trying to keep quiet. Miles opened him up patiently with his sinful mouth and teasing fingers, whispering sweet nothing and some bizarre compliments that made Alex giggle between moans.

It didn’t feel realistic, even with Miles’ cock pulsing inside him. Alex clenched around him, silently asking to take more. Miles’ hand laid heavily on the back of his neck, making Alex’s head unbelievably light. “Miles,” He whimpered, blinking again and again, trying to have a better look of Miles’ body, and his mind. Alex brought him down with determined arms, roaring lowly, “I love you.”

Miles groaned as if he’s hurt. His hip gave a few final thrusts, and then he’s coming deep and fiercely inside Alex, the skin on his neck almost transparent as it tightened with a scream. Alex watched his face obsessively: If this was all part of a long goodbye, Alex was willing to brand every detail onto his soul.

He was still shaking a bit when Miles came back to bed with a warm damp cloth. Miles was warm and comforting lying beside him, his hug making Alex’s eyelids really, really heavy. He wasn’t sure if he dreamed it or heard it for real.

In his ear Miles whispered, “I love you too, Al.”

19.

Alex woke up screaming.

He was expected to be alone. Therefore, when a pair of arms circled around his bare waist, Alex nearly broke Miles’ nose with his elbow. Alex gripped Miles’ hand desperately tight when the taller man was to reach for the light switch. “I saw-” Alex shuddered, out of breath, crying wildly. “I- I couldn’t move my legs…you were bleeding and I-”

“Sorry, my fault. I was just lying on top of you, Al.” Miles combed the damp hair out of his eyes, frowning as Alex kept sobbing and wailing from a nightmare. Alex knew it was not a vision, that Miles wasn’t gonna bleed to death while Alex watched. Miles was even still here, for some reason. He was looking at Alex with the same look on his face, exactly like back when they still was too far away from each other and Miles would search for Alex all the time, saying nice, ridiculous things to make Alex feel _belonged. _

“Why do you have to go?” He sounded miserable even to his own ears. Miles’ eyes darkened, turning away from Alex’s gaze. He didn’t answer. After tonight, Alex knew literally nothing more about him. Maybe except that Miles was lying about one more thing before: He did want Alex to love him, after all.

“Why did you give up on the original plan then?” Alex changed the question, burying his face into Miles’ nape for a deep breath. He felt like he deserved at least one taste of truth after everything. And fortunately, this time Miles thought the same.

“Believe it or not, it was that one time when I heard you singing. I guess you were in such a good mood that day because of that stray cat, am I right? I was just checking out on you, doing me homework, as usual. Found you sitting on the ground singing _Here Comes The Sun and_ I just thought to myself, ‘Fuck it. This sad little puppet doesn’t deserve this’.” 

Alex didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have to, because Miles hadn’t yet finished. 

“I’m sorry I left you, love. And I’m sorry for making you promise me shit. I was... you scared me.” Miles paused, the light in his eyes became so dim that he suddenly seemed far, far away. “You see, I am from the no man’s land, Alex. Everyone I know died in that explosion. I was outside the zone when it happened, but still way too close. I’m not like…radiative or something. But it really got to me, you know what I mean? I won’t get to see the doomsday no matter what. It doesn’t really matter if your people’s gonna shot me dead or not. Makes no difference in the end.”

Alex’s arms loosened on their own accord. He sat up straight, pulling away from Miles. His ears were buzzing so loud that for a second he couldn’t hear anything else.

_Miles was dying. Miles was dying and it was all his fault-_

“I don’t think so.” Miles argued firmly. Sometimes it’s like he read minds for real. “I’ve got to go, but you still have time, Al. Don’t you understand? There’s no future for me, or with me. I’m wasting your time.”

Alex understood.

But it didn’t make him want it any less.

20.

Miles was gone by the time the sun went up. Alex wasn’t really surprised by the empty hotel room, but the sight of a slightly withered rose lying on the table still stabbed him like a knife.

It’s past his usual work time. Alex knew they must have known he didn’t go home yesterday, so he decided it’s better to go directly to the police station and turned himself in to Jamie.

On the way, Alex was feeling strangely light and free, thanks to the craziest decision he had just made in his life during the past few hours. This time, Alex was done waiting for Miles to spare him a piece of truth, to come back to him. Fuck Miles and his conceited brain. Alex might not know much about his past, but still he knew Miles: That stupid arsehole had seriously believed it’s better for Alex to carry on living a miserable life without him.

Last night Miles had made it sound so plainly easy, as if he could just willfully decide to spare Alex’s life without getting into any trouble. That’s one of his telling signs when Miles didn’t want Alex to worry - he acted like he couldn’t be frightened. He pretended nothing’s gonna happen. He lied.

Alex knew exactly why Miles came to say goodbye, carrying such a rare, precious gift with him. Miles must have already felt the kiss of death, no matter in what format that’s gonna be.

This time Alex would find him. And when he did, he wouldn’t ever let Miles walk away easily. If there’s no way to save his life, Alex could always die by his side.

21.

Alex had just stepped onto the first stair of the police station entrance when the pain came.

At first, he thought someone hit him in the head from behind. But then the stinging pressure in the back of his skull exploded. Suddenly, it felt like his eyeballs were being pulled out of his face with sharp nails. Alex let out a long, piercing scream, knees buckling. The disgusting taste of blood filled his mouth as the hard concrete brought his teeth together. Alex didn’t realize he had fallen facedown until there’s several pairs of hands pulling him off the ground.

_“…what’s wrong? Alex! Al-”_

_“Call the medical team…”_

The blurry faces in front of him dissolved into blackness, soon replaced by a foggy picture of future. There was a grey van parking in front of an abandoned warehouse, doors wide open on either side. Someone was shouting. Beneath the tyres, soil was darkened by blood. A middle-aged man in suits were lying beside the front-wheels, not breathing. Then here came another gunshot that’s only Alex could hear. Someone else fell down right by the gate: A tall, blonde man in his early twenties, head turning to the side after his lifeless body hit the ground- 

“_Jamie!”_Alex let out a silent wail, struggling in his restraints. He tried to make out from which direction the bullet was coming from. As if to answer his prayers, the hitman showed himself willingly, walking towards the warehouse to appreciate his handiwork. It was a small guy dressed in a black polka dots shirt and red trousers. Alex would have recognized him even without seeing his face. 

_The killer was Miles Kane. _

Alex took a sharp breath in, blinking rapidly in horror. All the images were gone. The real world presented Alex a few worrying faces hanging above him. From them Alex found a very alive Jamie Cook, who heaved out a relived sigh once seeing Alex’s eyes open.

“Jamie,” Alex rasped, couldn’t stop his tears. Beneath his temple, stabs of pain were still attacking. Alex hadn’t had such a vision for decades: it only happened back when Alex’s a little boy and got no hang of his ability. His friend bent down. Alex’s fist clenched around the collar of his uniform. “Don’t go!”

Jamie didn’t get it at first. He nodded along and tried to placate Alex, “It’s alright, Alex. The doctors are on their-”

“You have to stay away from- from that warehouse. Jamie! Listen,” A “warehouse” is barely a real location. However, Jamie’s face changed colour when Alex was yelling deliriously and holding onto him. “I saw it. Oh God Jamie you can’t go, you can’t-” 

“Go get some tranquilizers, go.” Jamie told the other officers around. “I can deal with this.”

Alex then realized he was now lying on the waiting bench in the reception room. Jamie’s voice dropped to be barely audible. “What did you see?”

“There’s a van…a grey one, parked outside this old warehouse. It’s really old, the rolling door’s all rusty and writings all gone…some guy was killed by the vehicle. You were there, too. You got shot.”

Alex didn’t say who’s the hitman. Nonetheless, the colour in Jamie’s lips was also drained by the end of Alex’s broken description. He tried to act calm for Alex’s sake. “Thanks, mate. Well, I do have a patrol next Tuesday to the old industrial park. Let the doctor check on you first and then we can discuss-”

“I know how to stop it.” Alex’s voice quivered. He’s no longer crying, but the dreadful feeling in his chest stayed.

“What do you mean, Alex?” 

Alex looked up into the white ceiling, imagine the feeling of floating up to the sky and out in space. He hadn't the intention to live the future he saw.

He repeated, “…I know very well what to do.”


	4. Chapter 4

21.

“…why do you have to be so secretive? Jamie, it’s your fucking life on the plate!” Repeated Alex, feeling frustration inside his stomach churning like boiling oil. The despairing urgency finally swayed the young officer. Alex immediately asked again, in a softer voice this time. “Jamie, who exactly does Miles work for?”

“Last Friday Jacklin was killed in her own apartment, with over 10 guards in her yard. She’s the prophet of Camp 276, Alex. Do you understand what that means? Now you’re the only one left on this continent.”

The murder he’s aware, but not the details. Alex got his tongue clamped between his teeth, becoming quiet. Jamie looked at him anxiously, as if he couldn’t bear to break the news to Alex. “Kane was out of town for a while, we lost track him… and he’s spotted in Camp 276 a day before the murder. There’s no doubt here, Alex. Kane’s recruited by the old timers out there in the waste land. He's a Cleaner.” 

Alex watched Jamie going all the way to the door and slammed his fist on the thick glass, cursing. Alex finally understood why Jamie was so against him getting involved in the first place, and why the pitiful looks he received. He felt the need to sit down. 

“It’s the first time their men stepped inside our area. Kane is nothing like those amateurs our neighbours sent.” There’s an uncomfortable pause before Jamie admitted, “I know when you started working at The Cornerstone, they had promised you stuff. But there’s always at least one man sent to make sure you get home safe. Sorry, Alex, I hope you understand… recently they’ve been really struggling to follow you on days Kane was around. He likes to walk you to the park, didn’t he? Inside the Paradise, have you even noticed he was throwing off our men?” 

Of course Alex noticed nothing. When Miles was around, he’s all Alex could focus on.

“He was waiting for something else, we figured. That’s why he didn’t just get the job done and go. I was this close to snipe at him a few times, but you were standing way too close. Then some has insisted to wait and see what Kane plans to do. He was developing actual connections in this camp, which was completely new.”

“So you don’t even know where to find him?” Asked Alex, bewildered.

Jamie sat back down next to him, rubbing his face tiredly with a palm. “We have an idea or two, but we don’t need to find him, he'll come to us. There will be an operation…we’ve got solid evidence that Kane is after the committee because of the nuclear explosion. Fake information is purposefully leaked, saying there will be a conference. He’ll lead his men to our ambush." 

A grey anguish surfaced on Jamie’s face, so Alex knew. “There’s no patrol on Tuesday. You’re on the mission.”

Jamie’s eyes fell. “Hopefully after I go to see Homme later today, I won’t be anymore.”

However, according to Jamie almost everyone was on this mission. No life wasn’t spendable, at the end of the day. Alex felt this crushing sense of powerlessness as his friend looked away, staring into the big window on the far end of the meeting room. Suddenly, Jamie buried his face into his hands. “Katie is pregnant.” He whispered heavily, voice trembling as he went on. “I was gonna take her out to celebrate after the big task is done.”

“You will.” Promised Alex. Then he offered, “Let me go in your place.”

22.

“You must be crazy thinking anyone’d ever agree to this.” Jamie said coldly, shooting up from his seat. He stared at Alex with horrified eyes. “No way, Alex. Just-no fucking way. You’re not leaving this building alone. Actually, you know what? Forget about leaving. You’re in protective custody, starting right now-”

“Miles will talk to me.”

His fiend snapped incredulously, “How can you be so sure, Alex? Who knows why Kane hasn’t done anything yet. No way that psycho-”

“I know why.” Alex interrupted him. “Because he loves me.”

Jamie looked at Alex’s face as if he was to say something more but didn’t have the heart to open his mouth and wake Alex up from a daydream. However, it wasn’t a delusional brag, neither a sweet announcement. Although it sounded crazier than most imaginable things, what Alex just said was nothing but a statement of fact. 

23.

Later on, Alex might feel bad about lying to Jamie, but right now he had more urgent issues to worry. He didn’t head to the saferoom like he had promised, but instead sneaking out of the building via the fire escape. Alex went straight to the famous Paradise smuggler shop, where everyone was treated equally like a flea.

Jason, the owner, was writing some notes on a piece of wood when Alex walked in. The man didn’t even raise his eyes. “We are closed during lunch break. Mr. Turner. Get out.”

“I’d like to know where I can find a real rose.” Said Alex, completely ignoring Jason’s expulsion order. He was given a semi-curious appraising look. Jason put down his pen, gesturing Alex to close the door behind him. He then placed both elbows on the table surface, leaning forward to give a fake smile.

“You wanna know where to find your fox, Little Prince?”

Alex’s throat tightened nervously. He was just taking a wild guess coming here, not really expected to hit the mark right away. Jason snorted, pointing his chin to the left-hand side shelf, where a pot of fake cactus sat. “These days you pay a lot for the real thing, you know? Real flowers for real love, only real stupid people would go for that.”

“I just need to know where to find him.”

Alex was running out of his patience when Jason suddenly looked behind Alex's left shoulder. His face twitched with a mocking smile.

The man said coldly, but not to Alex, “You don’t even last for 30 seconds.”

Alex’s heart made a flip in his ribcage, leaping up right into his throat. He turned around so fast, almost losing his balance. Miles immediately grabbed at his arm to steady him. “Alex,” The younger man scolded harshly, although his touch stayed gentle. “How do you even find me?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t get him the rose, Romeo. Told you it’s disgusting.” Jason sneered, lowering down the baffle behind the counter. He walked out afterwards, giving them a long stare, then disappeared behind the side door where Miles just walked out of.

It wasn’t the best time to smile, but one glance at Miles, they were both wheezing with laughter. Alex leaned forwards and brought their lips together. Miles let it happen only briefly, before he struggled to get Alex off him.

“Listen, Alex. I told you already, that-” 

“I saw you kill Jamie.” Alex pressed a finger over Miles’ lips. His voice cracked. “You shot him.”

Miles took a step back from him, had mistaken Alex's intention. He blinked, face hardening. “I won’t apologize for something I haven’t done yet.”

“I don’t want your apology, Miles. Don't be ridiculous. But whatever you’re planning to do in that industrial park, don’t do it. It’s a trap. There’s-”

“There’s no meeting happening on Tuesday. A troop will be waiting, ready to eliminate anything that moves. What, you think I don’t know?” Miles smiled smugly. A soft look appeared in his eyes when he looked at Alex again. “Thank you for telling me, Al. It’s very nice of you.”

“But…but you’re there. I saw you.”

Miles chuckled. “I didn’t say I won’t be going, right? Why skipping the party? It’s gonna be big.” 

He was throwing his life away. No hesitation. No second thought. It devastated Alex, seeing Miles like this. “Why?” Asked the prophet who witnessed millions of lives going away, but still couldn’t stand the death of Miles Kane.

“It wouldn’t be as cool if I explain it to you, Alex. I told you not to waste your time. Now you’re wasting mine as well. Everything is fixed. We can’t change nothing...but I can still do you a favour, Al. Don’t worry, your mate will be alright.” Miles stretched out a hand to him. “Come with me, Alex. I'll show you.”

24.

“…what else do you know?” 

“That you’re a Cleaner.” Alex squeezed his fingers tightly together. He recognized where they were going halfway through the journey. Miles shrugged and didn’t deny, so Alex continued, “Did you always dress up like that while working?” 

“It really bothers you. I can see.” Miles cracked. “Most of my clients were dead, if that makes you feel any better, Alex. Finn, the big guy, is actually a friend of mine. My driver for whenever I had to fight with me fists, thus all the injuries. Besides, nobody fucks with a bleeding nose, Al.” 

Miles gave him a chuckle while Alex flinched. There was a heavy feeling inside him. All jokes aside, Miles killed people. He could have killed Jacklin without blinking, while she had done nothing evil. His sympathy seemed to be saved for Alex and Alex alone, which really didn’t make him any better. There was virtually nothing innocent about Miles Kane.

Alex wondered if it made himself a killer as well, when he was trying so desperately to keep Miles from his plan of suicide. He wondered what he had become, when he still wanted Miles to stay close after knowing everything. 

Alex felt ghostly with his abnormal want for a man so fucked-up. “I don’t want you to go.”

“You also don’t want me to hurt people, but that’s what I do for a living. Life’s not ideal, Al.” Miles met his gaze. They had reached the familiar gate of the park. Something fierce and dark was flashing in Miles’s eyes. There was a moment when Alex thought he could find the way to Miles’ heart. However, before he could even walk there, Alex was pulled into a brutal hug. Miles’ lips pressed firmly against his earlobe. He murmured, “Surprise.”

One hand around Alex’s back left and the next second, a gunshot shattered the quiet night. Alex was still frozen like a statue when Miles released him. A familiar voice let out a pained scream from somewhere close. 

“As you wish, babe.” Miles said, putting the gun back under his coat. Sometimes Alex didn’t understand him, and this was one of the moments, when Miles roughly grabbed his shoulder and turned Alex to the other side, presenting him the picture of his friend groaning and bleeding on the ground. “Jamie won’t be coming on Tuesday.”

25.

Miles knew him better than anyone else. Thus, he knew exactly what to do to make Alex give up. 

The waiting lunge was cold and radiated the smell of death. Katie was on her way, therefore he’s alone in the colourless room. Alex was tempted to leave before she arrived, just so he didn’t have to face her.

To his surprise, he was called into Jamie’s cell for no more than half an hour. The blonde waved at him with his left hand. He looked great for someone who’d just been shot. “The wound is superficial, just on the right arm. I’ll be fine. But no handling weapons for a while, that’s for sure.”

Alex tripped on his toes. “No handling weapons, does that mean you don’t have to…”

“Yeah, think so.” A glance at Alex’s face and Jamie started. “Alex, it’s dark outside. Kane’s got a gun on him-”

“He did this on purpose.” Alex murmured, cutting Jamie off. The desire to see Miles inside him re-lit and burnt so strong that he felt a weird impulse to cry as he sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, reaching a hand to the bondage on Jamie’s forearm. “I told him about my vision. Miles said he’d do me a favour-” 

“A favour? He fired at me right after he noticed I was there and you called it a favour. Alex, I’m your mate for more than 15 years. For how long have I been working my ass off trying to keep your safe, ah? But now you’re grateful for a slut who just shot me! What the fuck, Al, do I even know you anymore?”

Jamie’s anger was righteous, and Alex was in no position to argue. However, he reacted before his sensible mind caught up. “Don’t call him like that.” 

“Get the fuck out, Alex." Jamie’s face with livid with disappointment. "Go do whatever you want, I don’t even care.”

“No one cares!” Suddenly Alex was standing in the middle of the room, shouting and gesticulating like a rat in cage. He never lashed out at his friends, not even to the ones who betrayed him. “I’m working for people who treat me like blackmail material. I’ve been used, monitored like a monster, and you know all the time….in their stupid newpapers they make me a God, but I’m a bloody murderer, Jamie. What’s the price for the future I see? We've got all the good things while other people die in places we can’t fucking see! What difference does it make then? You tell me, Jamie. Come on, tell me now.”

Jamie couldn’t give Alex an answer that simply did not exist. He sat up, shocked, face puckered with guilt. “I’m so sorry, Alex. You know I care about you. We all do.”

That’s not good enough to stop Alex from heading for the door. Jamie called after him, asking where he’s going. “Where I want to be, of course.” Alex replied harshly, turning his head. Seeing Jamie moving clumsily on that patient bed calmed Alex down slightly. He gave himself a mental slap: _Jamie was hurt because of him, for God sake._ After a deep breath, Alex apologized in shame. “I’m lucky to have you as my mate, Jamie. Really. Sorry I said all the…I mean none of it.”

“But you are still leaving.” Jamie said.

Alex could only say it again. “I'm sorry.”

“You’re out of your mind, Alex. I don't understand. What’s so different about him?”

“Probably nothing.” Alex smiled feebly. “Guess I’m just mad.”

26.

Miles wasn’t happy to see him again so soon. Caged in a corner, Miles threw his head back at the wall. Defeatedly he asked, “What else do you want from me, Alex?”

“I want more time.”

This answer, other than a thousand declarations of love, had Miles crumble in front of him. “Damn you, Alex.” He cried painfully, “You know I don’t fucking have it.”

“If you have to go, then let me come with you. I don’t mind it’s one year, a few days or 30 minutes.” Alex continued before Miles could argue back. “Look at me, Miles. You’ve seen me. See what an appealing life I’ve got here! Don’t make me go back to it all by myself.”

Miles stared at Alex’s face fiercely, tears falling quietly from his bottomless eyes. “I’ve tried to be good, Alex. I tried so hard. Don’t…don’t tempt me.”

Alex blinked. “What happens if I say no?” He joked seriously, reaching for Miles cheekbone, caressing the damp skin with his fingertips. Miles looked away when Alex’s hand went down further and rested on his neck.

“I know I should let you go free, Al. But I don’t want to. I’m sick, Alex.”

Alex corrected him. “You’re silly.”

Miles’ eyes fluttered close. He choked on a wet, sobbing sound, “I don’t want to die alone.” 

“I won’t let you, Miles.” Alex held his head gently, making their eyes meet again. “So. Will you allow me to stay?” 

27.

There were many things Alex wanted to ask yet couldn’t find the right words to do so. They’ve been cuddling on a shabby sofa in the restroom behind the smuggler shop for hours. Alex had no idea, nor did he care what time it was. Miles gazed at him thoughtfully, reading the clues from Alex’s face. Suddenly, Miles whispered, “I didn’t kill her.”

“My contract is only about you. I asked for it, at that time…managed to get all the names of people involved in that conference when me town got blasted away. They offered me help, information, weapons, a little bit of training even and I didn’t even have to pay extra, because your name was on me list already. They were sick people, twisted in the head, thinking they’re fighting for justice if they can just kill every prophet and make things even. They were a bit hesitant about targeting here at first. Your camp’s got a name for maintaining a decent security. It’s far from perfect, but not bad for a place that couldn’t even have streetlights after 8, you know? Most camps are running low on electricity. It’s easy to kill a man in that condition.”

Miles glanced up at the scaly ceiling. “The list is only half done, but I just…I get really bored of it, you know? Of course, they won’t let me pull back. Even if I run, they’ll just send someone else. It took me a while to find a way, months of planning and setting up. Listen to this! I’ve got this big fake appointment with me men for supplies: food, ammunition, drugs, whatever you can think of…right at the meeting place handpicked by your people. Then when they come, boom! The elimination of the Cleaner's social club. I bet nobody would dare to come near you for quite a while, after this.” 

His long arms dropped back down after mimicking an explosion in the air. Miles turned on his side and again put his arms around Alex. He was smiling. “Everyone would be happy.”

Alex blinked and a drop of tear slid down his cheek. _Miles had planned perfectly on how to die for him. _Miles shook his head slightly. He kissed Alex briefly just to keep him quiet. “I considered everything in me plan, mapped out every detail. The only thing I didn’t prepared for…is you. When you said you got the hots for me as well, I just couldn’t deal with you.”

“That’s not what I said.” Alex pouted and tried for a joke. He’s still shaking with sorrow. Alex had Miles right in his arm, yet was somehow still afraid of losing him.

Miles chuckled sadly. “I’ve got so much blood on me hands, Alex. And the worst is that it didn’t even make me happy...I did all this for nothing. There’s no joy out of it whatsoever. This place is like a decayed apple. Didn’t even look pretty. Even the worst people are just begging for life. Who am I to judge them? I just wish I knew all these before I met you. Now it’s all too little, too late. I’ve become a murderer, and now I’m about to take you with me to Hell.” 

“There’s no place for you and me in this world, unfortunately.” Alex pressed his face into Miles’ chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating. “Anywhere with you can be Heaven.”

“You’re lucky that I adore you, Alex. I usually can’t stand people being so sappy -” 

Suddenly Miles shot up from the sofa, almost knocking Alex to the floor. “Heaven!” He yelled, gripping Alex’s shoulder painfully tight. “Yes! Let’s go to Heaven.” 

“What?”

“Ah, that's the nickname they give to me hometown. It’s been two years since the explosion. Plants are growing around the area again, that’s where you can get a real flower. They’re all very dangerous, of course. It’s a pain to make them non-radioactive. Can only get it done in another Camp. It’s not exactly a no-man’s land anymore, you know? You’ve got people like me, and people who want a peaceful end. It’s a beautiful region, even now. There’s a lake I know that still…”

Miles glanced at Alex’s face and stopped. He looked like a little boy who just woke up from a wonderful dream about space, only to realized you couldn’t breathe without oxygen. “Sorry, that’s such a stupid idea. Forget about it.”

Alex had never seen him so purely excited about anything. "You’ve thought about this before, haven’t you, Miles?” 

“Only in the beginning.” Miles wouldn't meet his eyes, obviously ashamed by his dream. It turned Alex heart into a soft ball that had Miles’ name written all over on. 

“Come here, Miles.” Alex hooked an arm on the back of his knees, keeping Miles close. “I think it sounds great. Let’s go to Heaven then.” 

Miles looked down. He'd got no place to run, so he had to face Alex honestly.

“You’re a mad man, Alex. You’re asking me to destroy you.”

“I’m asking you to let me love you, Miles.” Alex patiently explained to him one more time. “They can be very similar sometimes, I guess.”

Miles smiled with him. He dropped on his knees and answered with a kiss. Miles kissed with a hunger, while Alex craved to be devoured by him. There’s nothing more he liked, to have Miles with him, beside him, as the world silently, unstoppably caved in. 

“Come on then, Al. We’ve got a great escape to plan.”

Heaven or Hell, either way they were going home.


End file.
